I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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