We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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