sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
