she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
