somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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