I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
