My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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