he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
