There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT