Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.

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  (408): I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level. http://tfl.nu/k6hr
  Replies (8) Good night (3437) Bad night (636)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger

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  (540): I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger http://tfl.nu/crtx
  Replies (37) Good night (4318) Bad night (815)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.

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  (919): My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning. http://tfl.nu/jpte
  Replies (13) Good night (675) Bad night (3744)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.

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  (613): you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun. http://tfl.nu/3wdo
  Replies (4) Good night (2492) Bad night (792)
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  (786): View more from Florida

  And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.

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  (786): And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots. http://tfl.nu/xlfm
  Replies (3) Good night (3154) Bad night (929)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.

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  (303): Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird. http://tfl.nu/kz0v
  Replies (5) Good night (981) Bad night (3381)
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  (61): View more from Australia

  who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class

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  (61): who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class http://tfl.nu/g4lj
  Replies (6) Good night (4457) Bad night (756)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that

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  (902): I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that http://tfl.nu/4tc7
  Replies (5) Good night (2733) Bad night (740)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.

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  (972): I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip. http://tfl.nu/tlq7
  Replies (12) Good night (1932) Bad night (1206)
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  (323): View more from California

  Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?

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  (323): Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back? http://tfl.nu/2ror
  Replies (2) Good night (2212) Bad night (784)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"

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  (501): And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool" http://tfl.nu/agbu
  Replies (4) Good night (2179) Bad night (568)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol

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  (917): Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol http://tfl.nu/po2q
  Replies (4) Good night (667) Bad night (1447)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class

  (1-203): View more from Connecticut

  why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.

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  (203): you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class (1-203): why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday. http://tfl.nu/0z2t
  Replies (4) Good night (3632) Bad night (578)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy

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  (603): ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy http://tfl.nu/t11r
  Replies (13) Good night (2496) Bad night (527)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.

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  (361): I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08. http://tfl.nu/948b
  Replies (3) Good night (584) Bad night (275)

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