Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space