New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.