with your own penis?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher