I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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