as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize