And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Randomize
