ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk