remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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