Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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