i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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