he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
