Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
