So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
