I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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