So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
