my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
