he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I think pants incapable of making pants work
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
