is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I want a musical about memes.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
