I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
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I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
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Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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