be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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