And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
