I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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