Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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