So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
