He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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