don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Let's get the cat blown out
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
