Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
