don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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