True but thats because hes a fetus.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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