Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
