I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
