Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
