Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Two words: nipple clamps
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