Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
