I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
