Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
either way he was missing a nipple.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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