I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize