she woke up with a sticky ear
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize