She is in my trunk
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
