I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I want to fling myself into the sun
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
