she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
