You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
