i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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