I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
