That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
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She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
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My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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