Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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