you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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