maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
