So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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