There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
