WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
