My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
