what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
