I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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