We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
