im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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