yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
