yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
