They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The air was thick with penises
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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