Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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