I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
