I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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