you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
