I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
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i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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