Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
