Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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