I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They took my balls.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
