3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
