I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
