i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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