Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
