I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
They took my balls.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
