Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
