why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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