Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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